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Monday, January 28, 2013

Hayden's 2nd Birthday in Heaven

I have been so behind on blogging....not just for Hayden, but for Hudson too. I feel guilty about both; for Hayden because I feel like the only way I can continue to keep his memory alive is to blog, and for Hudson because my blogs aren't as thorough as Hayden's.


I guess better late than never.

Hayden's birthday was a little difficult this year since my mom wasn't able to be here since she moved to Monterey. I had a hard time coming up with what I wanted to do in his memory, and couldn't justify having a 'party' because, well, it just didn't feel right in my opinion. I looked online, tried to think of ideas, and really nothing came to mind. As January 8th approached, my anxiety grew that I had nothing planned to remember my precious little boy. One night, I was praying God would give me insight to what to do to remember our baby boy. It then hit me: all the babies that don't get remembered/or visited. Some of the resting places out in 'Baby Land' at the cemetery look as though they have not received flowers in 20 years (if ever). It was then put on my heart that that was exactly what we would do to 'celebrate' Hayden's 2nd birthday in heaven- place fresh flowers at each resting place.

I sent out an evite to some of the closest friends and family who were with us during the time Hayden went to heaven and everyone attended, even Melanie who was literally in labor and gave birth, miraculously, later that same evening (such a God thing). It was myself, Mel, Nana, Jim (my father in law), Cathleen and Harper, Nicole, and Anna. I was really disappointed that Jeff couldn't make it due to work. He still has yet to go out to visit Hayden. I think he just feels he doesn't have to to remember him, which is okay, though I really don't understand that way of thinking. Each person brought flowers and amazingly enough, over 300 babies received flowers. It was an incredible sight to see as the empty, grey, stones filled with bright, new, light and color. My father in law brought balloons which we released. It was really, the perfect day. I know Hayden would have loved it, and that he was smiling down the entire time.

After, Cathleen and myself and Harper all went to Panera for a good lunch. I had to work afterwards, but my heart was so full, I did not shed a single tear the entire day. It was just too beautiful. Here are some pictures of the day. Another amazing thing was I posted on Facebook that anyone who would like to light a candle in remembrance of Hayden, to post on Facebook and tag me so I could make a collage for his scrap book. There were 100+ candles lit. Incredibly overwhelming. Here are a few below. I miss my baby boy so much, but am so grateful for the amazing people that got together to help me accomplish such an amazing deed in Hayden's honor.