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Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Thinking about my son is not challenging. Missing and loving him unconditionally is not challenging. But finding the words to describe this and finding new things to blog about is extremely challenging. It seems as time passes, I tend to get distracted, definitely not forget about, from writing to Hayden and putting my feelings on paper. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what would have been or see a 4 month old baby and think, "Gee, had he made it to full term thats the age he would be". Or an 8 month old and think, "Wow, had he survived, thats the age he would be". It's just constant. I haven't been able to really voice it on here, but here I am today spilling my thoughts and guts again and it's good to be back.

The Face2Face group has been going really well. We went and got pedicures together last month and plan to get a little craft project/donation together this month. As we are building the house, knowing that Hayden's nursery will no longer be there is difficult, but we are excited about the memorial we will be putting in the back yard in honor of him. I think it is really important that he has his own space in our new home.

Anyway, I am really out of things to say for now. Funny how you can love someone so much that there are just no words. I think about you every day baby boy and miss you so much. xoxo <3


  1. his tree... it will need dangly ornaments (have u ever googled plant ornaments...they are the neatest things...and im gonna try making some)... are u planting a seed or will u guys be buying a medium sized one? auntie mel needs to make baby boy some tree fancies =)

  2. :))) Yeah that would be pretty. We are gonna buy a medium sized one, a Japanese Maple