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Thursday, February 3, 2011

It's really hard

I don't know if anyone else knows how I feel, but it is just becoming more and more difficult for me to be happy for my friends who are having babies....I have 8 friends who are expecting right now, and as much as I am DYING to see them/hear about their pregnancies and see the pictures, I just absolutely cannot. I try and force myself to because I know I won't be able to feel this way forever, and I can't....I get short of breath, my heart starts pounding and I have to swallow so hard to keep the tears from flowing. In the doctors office the other day, two women came in with baby carriers and as they both tended to their baby's coo's, they conversed about 'how old the babies were' and 'how much they are enjoying motherhood'...It took everything I had to not start bawling....It's so not fair because my son should be due next month...I should be on my 8th month of pregnancy, putting away everything I got from the baby shower. My son should be older than my 8 other friends...instead, I just hold his picture in my palm... Today my mom, little brother and I took flowers over to the cemetery where there still is only a stake in the ground, his name stamped on it like just another piece of paperwork. The flowers Jeff and I took over were removed. I wondered why his temporary headstone hadn't been put in and why they had removed my flowers. The clean up wasn't set until March 31. I went into the office at the cemetery to ask the ladies about these two questions. When I asked one lady when the temporary headstone would be placed, an older lady in a VERY rude tone stated "They are placed a month from burial." and when I asked what had happened to my flowers she stated again, like I was wasting her time that I, "should have not put the flowers in a basket. Baskets are NOT allowed. If you want flowers there just lay them on the ground. Otherwise they will be removed." I just turned and walked out the door. I bawled my head off. What a mean person. Completely insensitive to someone. If you work at a cemetery, you should be as nice as possible. People are there grieving their loved ones. I'm sure if it were her child or grandchild, her tone would be COMPLETELY different.


  1. That woman infuriates me!!! I would report her lousy ass. What a waste of time, im so sorry you had to be disrespected like that.

    I remember you were wishing for better weather so u and jeff can go visit baby boy...well...I know a real sweet baby who answers his mommas prayers... beautiful weather the past few days. Wasn't there supposed to be a bad storm?!? Hayden had brighter days planned for us all :) and I thank him greatly :)

  2. First i want to give u tons of loving hugs honey.And i do know how u feel sweetheart.I am an angel mom to a set of twin sons.I lost them at 24wks4days.And i lost my only daughter at 22wks.Due to a cord accident.And i lost a son at 22wks.They never found a reason why his heart just stopped beating.My heart hurts so bad for u honey.And i am an angel grandma as well.My youngest son Carl and his wife Misty lost there first son at 23wks.And then had a mc at 9 weeks.And then was blessed with a son named Owen.Who just turned 2 years old.But just before xmas i was told i would be a grandma a day before my b-day.Aug.9th.And this baby would of been born Aug 8th.Give or take a few days.Well 3 days before new years.Misty had suffered another m/c. Misy was about 5 or 6 weeks.So as u can see i do know your pain very well honey.I wouldnt wish this on anyone.Please know i really am here for u.

    I am totally upset by that woman at the cemetery.She shouldnt be working there at all.Just as u said.Im sure it would be totally different if it would of been her baby or grandbaby.I would report her to someone higher up sweetheart.And i feel its just wrong to take a baby's flowers off his grave.There are no words for it.If i would write what im thinking.No one could read it.There would be so many swear words.And i dont swear unless im mad.And i dont care if baskets arent aloud.U dont touch them.They need to learn to look the other way.In some cases.And yours is one of them.I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet son.He is so very beautiful.Please keep in touch with me on bbc.I am here for u honey.I am reaching my arms out to u.And we can walk this road from hell together.Its a very long and painful road to walk.And u so dont have to walk it alone.Like i did many years ago.I just wanted to tell u.God did bless me with 3 wonderful loving sons after all my losses.As i told my son and his wife.Never give up.Not EVER!!! For God will bless u one day with a baby to come home in your loving arms.Try and keep the faith honey.Thats another story.I hated God for many years.But one day i couldnt go it alone anymore.Dropped to my knee's and asked him forgiveness.But we will talk soon i hope.Know u have a lady who cares about u.And i send u so many loving hugs honey.Sending u lots of love.Linda (angel mom of 4)