Milk

***This may be too much information for some, but it's real, and it's my blog***


So I thought that since my baby was born at only 28 weeks gestation, maybe my milk wouldn't come in. Since Hayden and I were separated from each other, that maybe just maybe I wouldn't have to go through THIS part of postpartum. Or maybe I would be cut some slack and at least not have to go through this since I have had to go through so much already.

I thought wrong. Yesterday, the fourth day after giving birth, my boobs became engorged and now look like two huge squares literally in AT LEAST a double "D" size. The pain is absolutely unbearable. I have tried all the "tricks in the book" to relieve the pain; soaking them in warm water, taking ibuprofen, wearing a sports bra 24 hours a day, ice packs....EVERYTHING.

I just wish that Hayden was here to help me get through this. If he were here, there would be somewhere for this milk to go. If he were here, then I would feel the pain was all worth it. But he isn't here, and I sit at home waiting for my body to run it's natural course after giving birth with no baby in my arms to hold. Another thing I find hard to accept.

Jeff and I have decided that in June we will begin to try again for our second child. I almost feel out of place not being pregnant. I got so used to the lifestyle and the yearning to be a mommy that I don't think I even know how to NOT be pregnant or NOT be a mommy. It is just one of those things I suppose.