Monday, January 17, 2011
Honestly. What is going to happen next?? I am trying so hard to be positive, but every time I start to get through one thing, another begins. I lost my child. I developed a dangerous blood clot. And now am having excruciating kidney pain. And my doctor can't see me for another hour. Also, I can't stop peeing. It's ridiculous. As soon as my leg felt better, this starts. It is really hard to begin the grieving process over my son when all of these distractions and problems are in my midst. Some may think "just be happy you are alive". Being alive may sound great for some, but my child is in heaven and all I am going through right now is agony physically so dancing in the clouds with my baby sounds much better than 'being alive'. Now, now, no one run off and start saying I'm suicidal. It is just so frustrating going through this right now. I cannot wait until I can just take a breath of fresh air and my body is just completely healed of everything. But for now, I get to sit in a stuffy doctors office and be in pain. Plus, I will have to have MORE blood work done to make sure this DVT business is under control. Man, once this is all over, I think we have earned it to have a WONDERFUL life. I hate to be whiny, but again, it's my blog and that's exactly what it's here for.