It is honestly just crazy to me how things just 'fall into place'. Geez, Kaila, c'mon, things don't fall into place! God has already set them in place, it's just we as humans are too dumb to notice it until it hits us in the nose!
Tonight, I had the awesome priveledge to go to Pastor Debbie's house (Pastor Don's wife; who did my wedding and Hayden's funeral) and experience such an indescribable experience. Nana, my grandma, is very close with her and Pastor Debbie had been telling her that she wanted me to come to her house for a while. Upon walking up to her adorable little house, I felt nervous, honestly, about what exactly was going to take place there. I had seen Pastor Debbie speak at a women's retreat a few years back and I know how strong of a woman she is and how strong her relationship with God is. When we walked in, I just felt so welcome. Her home was so cozy and extremely cute. There were only a few lamps on in the home and candles were lit everywhere. She offered us coffee and told us just to come sit at her dining room table. We sat and sipped coffee and joked for a while.
Pastor Debbie then said, "Well, I have been praying about this so much but I honestly don't really know why it is that God brought you here! So, let's just go with it and see where he takes us tonight." (right then I knew exactly why...see later on in the story hehe)
She then asked me to tell my story, about Hayden. I have told this story a million times and it has become so easy, but this time, it was hard again. I cried a bit, but got the story out. By the time I was finished, I had no tears anymore. Like I have said, I feel always feel this odd sense of peace. She went on to ask me if I had any feelings of guilt or negativity, or if my pregnancy had originally been a "wanted" pregnancy or anything like that. I had to be honest. I had no feelings like this at all. I have felt very at peace and happy through this whole thing. Of course I am sad that my baby is not here, but the sense of comfort I feel when I think about where he is just makes me so happy that it over powers the sadness. As for if we had wanted the pregnancy at the beginning or not, we were beyond excited when we found out! We were nervous to tell the family obviously because this was not a planned pregnancy and we weren't married, but our family was excited just like we were and Hayden was/is our pride and joy.
After discussing this for a while, I went on to tell her about my Face2Face group and how much it means to me and how excited I am to create this save haven for women just like me to come together and just understand each other and be together. Pastor Debbie then said that she knew why I had come. It was because I was to be trained by her in how to minister about my experience and share my story with others. She felt very strongly about my happiness and optimism and how much I could help other women using this tool. She told me that she believed that God put me in place with the Face2Face group to lead me down a path to what I am supposed to be doing for God and for other women that have had experiences like mine. (I KNEW IT!)
Now, I am not one to be all preachy, but I sure as heck know that God is real and I do believe in the power and greatness He has in our lives. I definitely don't live a 'perfect' life by any means, but I do believe that God is going to be doing great things in my life through the experience I have had.
After talking at her table for a while longer, Pastor Debbie took Nana and I up to her prayer room which is set up beautifully. She had us sit at the table and she anointed me and prayed over me to prepare me for this new journey God is going to be taking me on. The experience was incredible. As she prayed over Jeff and I, I just had a vision of he and I sitting on our bed, holding hands and praying together. It was so awesome because that is not something that Jeff and I do, but it is something that I have been longing for us to do.
After she prayed and anointed me, she also prayed for and anointed Nana. This was so wonderful because Nana is always worried about all of us, all of our family. It was wonderful for me to witness someone else praying over her. Pastor Debbie prayed a sense of peace and comfort over her, a sense of freshness in the spirit, and for Moms' Alzheimer's to be stopped. Nana really needed this and it was great to see her afterwords; just looking so refreshed and relieved.
I can't wait to begin this new journey, and more so I can't wait to share my experience with Jeff. I want him to know how good this feels :)