Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Today is a strong day for me. Last night, I slept through the night and did not wake up to break down as I have done the past four nights. I haven't shed a single tear today. I have cried so much that I just simply cannot cry anymore right now. This morning, right when I woke up, the tears which usually well up when I walk into the living room just simply weren't there. I actually made it into the shower today and did my hair and makeup for the first time in three days. I had told God that I was just going to give everything to him. I kept repeating it over and over that everything; my sorrows, my grief, my hurt, my anger, my pain, were all going to be given to him. I told him that I was just going to give up on being sad. And this is what I got in return: strong day. I love this day, because it is the first day I have been able to go out to lunch and go shopping. Not full on shopping, I just went to Target to get pads and ibuprophen, but it was a normal everyday duty nevertheless. I hope to continue to have strong days because it felt so good. I do know there will still be hard days, but when those days come, I will just simply tell God that again I am just going to hand everything to him in a nicely put together lunch bag and send it on it's way. I don't need it anymore; the sorrows, sadness and pain. It doesn't feel good. Why should I be sad that my baby boy is in the most amazing, special, holy, and beautiful place anyone could ever imagine?